Epic Mommy Fail Moments

  • I’m a perfectionist but I’ve learned as a mother that achieving that sort of standard all the time is mission impossible.  Motherhood is far from perfect.  We moms may try to achieve some semblance of it in one way or another but something always happens to make us feel we’ve fallen short .  Sometimes we all out fail.  I’m not talking about the days you gave your child screen time so you could get some me time or the day you fed him/her processed food, I’m talking about epic fails like the below, real-life examples.

This morning I lost my house keys and my car. The good news is I found my house keys. They were in my car. I found my car parked at the train station cause I forgot I drove it there yesterday. Oh, and I just lost my wallet.”

“I made homemade cinnamon rolls for my husband’s birthday this year. It was so much work and I was so exhausted that I let my 2 year old eat them for breakfast, lunch, and you guessed it… Dinner too!”

“I bribe my older 2 with cash to play with the 2 yr old so I can get a break.”

mommy fail

Confession time.  I have two mommy fail moments that will never cease to amaze me.  I’ll start with the most disgusting one.  You know those mornings where you got such little sleep that even when you get out of bed, you were still half asleep?  Motherhood is filled with these type of mornings.  If you’re a mom, I know you know what I’m talking about.

I sleep-walked my way to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, half closing my eyes the entire time.  I brushed and brushed with determined vigor, remembering how the dentist instructed me that we should brush for at least 2 minutes each round.  As exhausted as I was, I conscientiously made sure to dig into all the crevices all the while never bothering to look up into the mirror, cuz you know, I was half asleep.  It wasn’t until I finished that I looked up to find there was no usual toothpaste lather and down to find that I had actually been brushing with diaper cream!

mommy fail

EWWW!  Who put that there?!? was my initial horrified reaction.  “Am I going to die?!” was my next.  After hurriedly spitting, gargling, rinsing and flossing, I had to call poison control cuz that’s what the tube scarily suggests if the product is ever ingested.  I’ll tell you, that woke me up pronto!  I felt like a fool having to explain my predicament to customer service but she calmly explained that I’d live (phew!) and that many other moms have done the same thing. (seriously???!)

My 2nd confession is the most mortifying epic fail.  I’m a nice person.  Really.  I rarely ever say anything negative about other people.  I look for the good in others. But this particular incident made me look, well not so nice. And I regret it to this day.  I was tasked with securing a babysitter to watch my child and one of her besties so us parents could enjoy a double date night out on the town.  Knowing that J’s friend had a penchant for pretty sitters, I asked the potential sitter for a picture during the final (phone) interview stages (and also cuz I was curious if I would recognize her since I know and see tons of nannies during the day as a SAHM).  She promptly and without hesitation sent me one and with bad judgement, I thought it would be amusing to forward it over to my friend who was waiting for sitter updates with a snarky comment that read, “not really a looker but seems nice otherwise.”  Ehem.  Except, I didn’t actually send the photo to my friend but rather (gulp) back to the sitter I was considering!!  ARGH!

It was as if all time had stopped moments after this dreadful realization.  My mind raced as to how I could salvage this texting error and possibly still book her (time was running out and I was out of better options).  Luckily, she was a forgiving soul, and my PR background helped me talk my way out of this PR crisis and soon enough she was at our doorstep, both of us ready to move forward from the awkward start.  Of course, as I’m getting the kids oriented with their new sitter and we’re sitting around playing with instruments to the music blaring on our loudspeakers, the next song sings, ‘if you’re BEAUTIFUL and you know it clap your hands!’ (since when did they start changing the lyrics to ‘if you’re happy and you know it’ and WHY?!?? oh WHY???” Double whammy.  I was screwed.  Our eyes met and I was so horrified that to this day, I don’t even remember if she clapped her hands.

#mommyfail.  What’s your story?

If you enjoyed this article and know a mom who could use some comic relief, please share with others!

And if you want to read about my real-life #daddyfail story, click here.

The below memes are found from dear baby.

mommy fails

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Why I’m Never Sleeping In Again

Getting to sleep in as a mom is a forever unfulfilled fantasy so when my husband offered this morning to get Juliet ready for school and do the drop off for me so I could (for once) sleep in and hopefully rid this cold, I thanked him as profusely as my fatigued body would allow and felt comforted in knowing I had already done most of the prep work by laying out Juliet’s school outfit the night before.  Fridays are easy for us.  All J has to do is get dressed and go ‘cuz (hooray!) the school feeds her breakfast.

I slept in like a baby only to greet her back at home at the end of her school day in complete horror.

Apparently, my baby lived everyone’s worst nightmare and spent the whole day WITHOUT PANTS ON!! In a New York minute, she went from an award-winning ‘best-dressed’ baby (thanks for the recognition, Gymboree!) to a ‘what was she thinking?’ fashion DON’T.  Totally embarrassed for her at the thought of her walking around all day without freakin’ pants on, I gave my well-meaning hubby a much – needed fashion lecture on the difference between tights and leggings.  “Tights are NOT pants… haven’t we had this discussion before?” I asked in disbelief as I recalled another day when he dressed her in tights and a top and then  pranced her all around Michigan Ave in Chicago. Below are the frightening pictures my husband happily texted me of J hanging out in the Disney store (notice again, no PANTS on, only TIGHTS).  This was the first regretful nap that I took which allowed my very sweet but clueless husband to dress J and take her out.

PicMonkey Collage

Realizing that I need to start a new hashtag, #tightsarenotpants similar to the viral #leggingsarenotpants, I stood still, shocked and confused as to how anyone could style such a horrid outfit.  Not only did she NOT have any skirt or pants on, she also clashed like chimes on a drum.  And wasn’t matching the most basic of styling goals?  What was he thinking?? I could understand if Juliet did not have much of a wardrobe to choose from but this is what he had to select from!

kids closet

He could have chosen a myriad of different options while veto-ing my knee-high sock selection (which he attributes to having sparked his on-the-spot, mini-makeover).

styling kids

This sparkly blue, pom pom sweater by H&M (that I found on sale for just $7) would have looked designer with the rainbow themed selections that I styled with it on the right.  On the left, it ended up looking like some thrift store find crumpled up haphazardly with random layers and colors.  Is he blind?!?  How did my baby end up looking like such a hot mess when I perfectly laid out an entirely coordinated outfit for her the night before?

Oddly enough, his reaction to my fashion inquisition was pride.  He was simply proud to have gotten her out the door on time and still to this day defends his selections.  “That outfit was fine,’ he stubbornly replies.  This defense and denial is what has left me no other choice but to blog about his ridiculous styling result.  Is this a #mommyfail or a #daddyfail??  Readers, please chime in!  For now, I’ve determined that I’m NEVER sleeping in AGAIN.

 

 

 

 

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